A Little Bit of Everything

Archive for February, 2010

Polyamory VS. Monogamy?

Well, I haven’t posted in a long time because I couldn’t decide what to post on but I finally decided to do a topic that has been floating around my head for a while.

I don’t really understand the whole ‘monogamy is better than polygamy’ thing.

Now, keep in mind that I have no interest in a romantic relationship and so am making these remarks as sort of an unbiased spectator.

To me, love seems to be all about wanting to spend time with a particular person.  Of course, people probably don’t want to spend ALL their time together so what does it matter if a particular person also spends time with another person?  If you’re getting to spend the time you want to, with the person you love, why should you care if he/she also spends time with another?  When you ask yourself why you feel strongly that your ‘partner’ should be ‘faithful’ to you, do you get a straight answer?  To be perfectly blunt, this whole ‘he/she has to be faithful to only you’  seems like a bunch of B.S stuffed into your subconscious by people at the top of the social hierarchy that have decided that their way is the right way.  It doesn’t even make sense.  People say that encountering their ‘partner’ has helped make them a better person, right?  Well, what if they let themselves encounter and have relationships with multiple people?  Don’t you think that they would be much better people for it?

There is a series of books that I’m reading called ‘House of Night’.  I really like the books but there is one thing that I wish could be different.  The main character, Zoey, ends up in this debacle with having three sorta-boyfriends; Heath, Erik and Stark.  Of course, the community of readers have separated into respective ‘teams’, each wanting Zoey to choose a particular guy.  I say, why can’t she be together with all three of them?  Now, I didn’t like Erik so I’m glad she dumped his ass, but I wish she could’ve been with both Heath and Stark.  Here’s my analysis.

Zoey had very different, but still close, relationships with both of them.  Heath had been her childhood sweetheart, always being there for her through thick and thin, and Stark was a guy who she had an instant connection with and who has pledged to protect her.  Now let’s look at what would happen if they forced Zoey to choose; she would crush one of the guy’s feelings and subsequently alienate part of herself.  Surely the guy forcing her to choose would know this so I don’t understand why they would want to see the other guy hurt.  Why wish pain on another person for your own selfishness?  That is why I believe that the idea of monogamy is essentially based on greed and selfishness, which is ironic seeing as Christianity has been the biggest pusher of monogamy historically and yet there’s the seven deadly sins which includes avarice(greed) and pride(selfishness).

The reason I have put the word partner in quotation marks is because it implies that you should only have a relationship with one person.  I personally don’t like all these rules and labels.  I think that you should just go through life and do what you want to do (within reason of course).  If you want to spend time with them, if you don’t, don’t, if you want to be intimate with them, be intimate with them etc.  That actually brings me to another thing I don’t really understand. Marriage. Why assume that you’ll always want to be with a particular person and tie yourself to them?  I mean, if you love them currently, great, but why not just be together currently?  Why isn’t that good enough?

Well, it’s late at night so I can’t remember the rest of my argument so I’ll just leave it at this and then maybe add to it later.